Well, this is the toughest part of any relationship. There is nothing that I can write that will make the problem go away (if there is one). Let’s face it – most couples have spent a lifetime of practicing bad communication. It takes a long time to unlearn bad habits. However, if you can improve some aspects of communication, then you can start that process.
So, consider the following tips as places to start.
(1) When communicating, leave your ego at the door – this isn’t about ‘I’ it is about ‘we’.
(2) This is an old Stephen Covey principle - Seek to understand then to be understood – listening is the first key to understanding.
(3) Realize that both of you have strong feelings about money – Money is written about more than any other subject in the Bible. It is also the one thing that people know very little about and emotionally have a tough timeMoney matters (where they relate to your relationship) are about knowing each other’s values and most importantly being willing to compromise.
(4) Make sure the right person is taking care of the day to day finances. Most problems start as a result of the wrong person taking care of the daily expenditures. The reality is that not everyone is geared to take care of the details.
(5) Make sure that your spouse is informed about the finances and doesn’t have to figure it out in a time of crisis.
(6) Money can either build or destroy trust in a relationship. Trust is a precious thing. When you think of your decisions about money affecting the trust of your partner, it shines a completely different light on the actions that you take.
(7) Don’t let money problems remain a secret – the longer they stay a secret the worse they become – secrets have a way of revealing themselves.
(8) Show each other some grace – money is one of the most difficult aspects of life to deal with – we all make mistakes and this isn’t the opportunity to make your spouse feel stupid for a mistake that was made. After all, God shows us Grace all of the time and we really never deserve it.
(9) Money was never meant to be used as a means of control. If you are using it as a means of control, really think about what all of that means.
(10) Pray constantly and never start a communication about money without inviting God to the conversation. It is tough to argue when God is sitting between the both of you.
