Magnify Money surveyed nearly 1,000 Gen-Zers and millennials who are married, engaged, or in a relationship. According to their findings, about three-fourths said they’d been mad at their partner because of a financial decision they made.
Full survey findings: https://www.magnifymoney.com/blog/news/millennial-gen-z-relationships-survey/.
We have all done it. You find out your spouse makes a financial decision that you do not like and automatically react with anger. You are now on a mission to make them regret that decision. Then get into an argument to make them wrong and you right – well if we were truthful about it!
Alternative approach: Consider the following principles!
(1) Unless you are perfect, show Grace.
Have you never made a mistake before? How about showing a little grace. Sure, giving them a piece of your mind is a way to deliver your point and feel heard. However, it is how you go about it respectively that builds up relationships versus tearing them apart.
(2) Your reaction is Key.
Your reaction creates or tears down a trust zone. Your spouse either feels safe or not. Whether negative or positive, repetition reinforces their emotional experience.
(3) Arguments are about making your spouse wrong and you right.
In an argument, your ego is the only one who wins! Create a win-win environment for both of you.
(4) Seek first to understand, then be understood.
This principle comes from Stephen Covey. Along with Grace, seeking first to understand goes a long way. You are putting their interests ahead of your own. It builds respect.
(5) The way that you react is why they did not consult with you.
Your spouse knows better than to talk about money unless you demonstrate principles 1 – 4, as shown above.
(6) Men, lose the condescending Attitude.
I learned early in marriage that every time “condescending Bob” comes out, it made my wife feel as though I were yelling at her. It is always about the tone of your comments. To your wife, it feels like you are yelling when a condescending tone is used.
(7) What do you not like about yourself?
Generally speaking, what we don’t like about others is a direct reflection of what we don’t like within ourselves. Our behavior is a subconscious reflection of what is in the mirror.
Now, you might be thinking, “Bob, you don’t know my spouse.” Regardless of your relationship status, you can make better choices. Keep in mind, as you develop change, things will not change overnight. However, they will change over time if you maintain consistency. Try a new approach, and after a while, you will notice better outcomes.
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