As you may know, money is one of the biggest causes of divorce. Thus, I think we can surmise that the biggest category of arguments is money. There are a lot of dynamics at play when a couple fights about money. In fact, it is way too big of a list to go through. We will leave that post for another time.
I just write this as a way to communicate what might help. I realize that money issues can seem too far gone; however, an exercise can start to fix the problem.
How about another way to communicate rather than attempting to make your spouse wrong and you right? Truly no one wins in an argument.
Once things have settled down, I have found that it is important to take a step back from the situation and go through a two-step exercise. The exercise starts with each spouse writing down the three things that are most important to them about money. Compare the two lists, both realizing that three things are going to have to happen if they want this to work:
First, each spouse must understand they are going to have to compromise. Compromise is a powerful step to take. It shows your willingness to work things out.
Second, use the timeless Stephen Covey principle in all things communication with your spouse. Seek first to understand, then be understood. This is about you being quiet/listening when your spouse is talking.
Each spouse should be willing to do what it takes to understand where their spouse is coming from. You can only do that if you truly listen to what they have to say.
Third, at the end of the day, it is important to recognize that no one is right or wrong - you each just have a set of opinions. It is important always to show Grace unless, of course, you are perfect. Finally, work on forming values-based goals as a couple versus individually. Both will have to be patient and show a lot of Grace for each other. Commitment to the achievement of creating couple values versus his values and her values will take a relationship to the next level.
Most importantly, invite God into the conversation. It is a little more difficult to yell at each other when you have asked God to sit at the table of reconciliation.
Listen to Bob on the Prudent Money Radio show. You can stream his daily show on all major podcast platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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